oh hi.

well hi.

so long as i can say whatever the fuck i like on here,

cause i don't think many people/no one will read it.

I've been depressed about...ohh... most of my life?

yeah, the first really big spell was in class 7.

i would have been 12? i don't remember much from when i was in these spells. its so weird.

the next i remember was only a few flashes from class 8. the rest is blank.

uhh "those holidays" between class 8 and 9. same as before, do not remember like ANYTHING from that whole time. i was stoned half the time.

aand, then then at the end of class 9. then at the end of the holidays.

in between these low points, i was utterly high on life. you might say ha.

and those- (weirdly) are the times i made alot of friends.

next time was the beginning of this year.

then on a high for a long time. i thought that was all i'd have and i'll be fine and it wont come up again.

uhh, no? ha

it dosnt just hit you like a brick. and its not as noticeable as just dying your hair green oneday.

it slowley seeps in.

reeeeeaaallllly slowly.

you hardly notice it.

but then you do.

and then when its already seeped into most of the parts of your life.

then something sets it off.

and suddenly its waay more horrible then you thought.

a few things have set me off this time.

but there not important.

but i did realise a few things.

did you know alot of standup/television comedians

have bipolar.

and if you know me you'd know i come off as funny i gess.

i don't like saying it, i don't think i am. but people say i'm knowen for being funny.

its like hiding behind this big wall of crudeness and jokes.

and its cool cause making people laugh is easy, and they don't notice that you're on the brink of bursting out crying, for no apparent reason.

i truely do like funny things.

and i do truely love to laugh.

i love drinking.

and sex.

something i'll just leave with.

i eat alot when i'm depressed.

-you seen me?

mmhm.