this is what i do,

every fucking time.

i sit here and play

On The Cross by The Used.

over,

and

over,

and

over....

i can't help you fix yourself, but at least i can say i tried,

i'm sorry

 but i gotta move on with my own life.

my weekend was eventful?

well i drank to much and i ended up lying on brahm's sofa

with all the objects in his room swimming around me,

telling me i must text someone called james.

i did of corse

lol

^___^

wow, hallo!

your pretty ;D

.

she can't see the way your eyes

light up when you smile

♥

#

curtis :( 

why did you have to leave?

idc your still the man ;D

ily ex oh

^^

saw this lady, 

she looked like the adult version of diana*.

HA HA HA HA HA 

ew.

note: * name has been changed.

$

today in hospitality Brahm wasn't there,

so i had to be in a group with this guy Ryan who i swear wanted to kill me. 

 after school Brahm informed me that in his own words Ryan had described me as a "good cunt".

boys, 

seriously. 

*

I FUCKING HATE YOU JORDON WILLIAM GERRATY, 

YOU SELFISH SON-OF-A-BITCH 

ROT IN A FUCKING HOLE. 

1337

oh i miss you. 

so fucking much

@

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!

 fuck the hell off before i really get mad. 

!

sup, 

its dumb how much i don't think you care. 

nigger nuts.

ohh well,
i've spent like $50 on my phone this month -___-
and so much as i try i'm still knee deep in drama. fml seriously.
school is going bad, and i was told last night to seriously make a decision weather to go back to school next year or quit and get a job.
i have no fucking idea what to do :S

so i won't think about it.

theres a rave tomorrow and i still have half a box of 8% codys so i should be at the very least sober.

lates x

oh real?

bruno is cheering me up :)

so,

the only thing going for me right now is my new streccchhyy jeans, and the bottle of rasberry smirnoff my mama brought me.

otherwize, ho hum.

oh party last night. it was pretty good aye, apart from almost being kicked out for smoking (??) (outside!) ahha and a few personal issues,

it was great cause i wasn't sober.

i do have more to say but, i'm not in the mood.

missingalot.

liz

hoi hoi hoi.

this my friend dante, hes amazing. :D

so hi,

another rocky friendship clash. dam.

and another tricky guy.

ohhh life is pain!

and no food intrests me anymore. :(

no more apples.

i'm acting really immature right now.

its fun.

ugh.

my mood swings are so short it's actually really weird.

my throught hurts so bad.

and i keep coughing.

owwww.

i reeeeeeaaalllyyyy like this guy.

please?

bye. x

:D

ohhhh, baby.

hahaha,

well hi, uhmm, well me and mum went to a jewellery showcase opening,

oh it was good, it was these three woman who all make different types of things,

i'm not sure who makes them but what i liked the most were these tiny, tiny little jars with hedchog (?) teeth in them. i just loved them!!

never seen anything like it! ha i love going to those things cause its full of people in their twenties who dress like there from the 1950s,60s and 70s all at the same time.

its so amazing.

aadn i just got invited to a fucking aawsome gig and i have plans........

god life sucks.

ahahahaha

eh well. i got a cocktail party tomorrow which should be randy. :D

fuck my sister should be home soon with all her friends so

lates.

yeahhshshhshsh.

dear lone blog.

i'm turning a new green leaf and focusing on others and walking alot.

so now i will fill my head and yours with pretty things i despretly want.

pink sidekick.

bye.,

y.

lifes pretty shit atm.

bye

sex under ze table

he'd probley kill me for posting this but its my blog so fook off.

i knew this guy once, can't remember how i met him,
but i can tell you it was the wrong time to meet him/me.
LOOOOONNNNNGGGG story short
shit happend and now were not friends.
i cannot deny all the things i said.
but i must say they were horrible, sorry simply, blatently so dose not cut it.
i can tell you people out there that i have never ever met anyone even close to what this person was like.
there simply cannot be another person like him out there, it just wouldn't be right.

i truely believe i liked him.
-but i must admit for stupid reasons
i.e nice hair blahh blah

only now i relise, how much i miss our conversations, and how i'm not as dumb/ immature.
i hope so hard someday we'll be on speaking turms.
but thats all i can do for now.

miss you.

oh hi.

well hi.

so long as i can say whatever the fuck i like on here,

cause i don't think many people/no one will read it.

I've been depressed about...ohh... most of my life?

yeah, the first really big spell was in class 7.

i would have been 12? i don't remember much from when i was in these spells. its so weird.

the next i remember was only a few flashes from class 8. the rest is blank.

uhh "those holidays" between class 8 and 9. same as before, do not remember like ANYTHING from that whole time. i was stoned half the time.

aand, then then at the end of class 9. then at the end of the holidays.

in between these low points, i was utterly high on life. you might say ha.

and those- (weirdly) are the times i made alot of friends.

next time was the beginning of this year.

then on a high for a long time. i thought that was all i'd have and i'll be fine and it wont come up again.

uhh, no? ha

it dosnt just hit you like a brick. and its not as noticeable as just dying your hair green oneday.

it slowley seeps in.

reeeeeaaallllly slowly.

you hardly notice it.

but then you do.

and then when its already seeped into most of the parts of your life.

then something sets it off.

and suddenly its waay more horrible then you thought.

a few things have set me off this time.

but there not important.

but i did realise a few things.

did you know alot of standup/television comedians

have bipolar.

and if you know me you'd know i come off as funny i gess.

i don't like saying it, i don't think i am. but people say i'm knowen for being funny.

its like hiding behind this big wall of crudeness and jokes.

and its cool cause making people laugh is easy, and they don't notice that you're on the brink of bursting out crying, for no apparent reason.

i truely do like funny things.

and i do truely love to laugh.

i love drinking.

and sex.

something i'll just leave with.

i eat alot when i'm depressed.

-you seen me?

mmhm.